To live a well balanced life by day and sleep restfully at night, it is certainly preferable to live and do the things that put us at our ease (calm, centered, joyful, healthy etc) rather than ones that cause dis-ease (anxiety, insomnia, stress, health challenges, etc.)
Here are some ideas to put you at-ease:
1. Just be. That’s it.
2. You are enough, just as you are.
3. When things bother you, let them go as quickly as possible. Tomorrow, next week, or next year will it matter at all?
4. Please yourself and God. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
5. Doing your best does not mean having to be perfect.
6. Do what makes you giddy.
7. Do things for no other reason but you want to.
8. Think of all the good you do. This world and the people you touch on a daily basis would not be the same without YOU.
9. If you are making “mistakes” and “bad decisions” that is fantastic- you are acting and doing things that are bringing you closer to success.
10. Take care of yourself. The world will not stop turning on its axis if you permit yourself to unplug and recharge a bit (that hot bath and romance novel awaits).
In peace (and I’m taking a hot bubble bath as soon as I post this!),
In my lifetime people pleasing has probably been the leading cause of: loss of sleep, worry, anxiety, holding myself back, missed opportunities, and lines on my face.
Perhaps from the time I was a little girl I got conditioned to not just want but absolutely need the approval of my father and when I started school, my teachers. Then when I started my first job, my bosses.
Throughout the years I conducted myself being mindful or thinking about what others thought of me. What did they think of how I looked? What I wore? Who I hung out with? What I did for a living? What my house looked like? How my kids behave? What I said? What car I drove? The agonizing list can go on.
Those of you who are prone to anxiety like I am can relate to this I’m sure. In the past few years I decided that I am tired of living this way- for others. What I need to be doing is making sure I am okay with myself. What others think really does not have to have any control or power over me. This is not an easy task, the shedding of people pleasing. We people pleasers of the world seem to have the mandate of “being nice and perfect” firmly entrenched in our psyches.
I believe that if one can lick the people pleasing thing, peace of mind, a happier life, and much more restful nights of sleep are at hand for the taking.
Sound good? Here are some ideas that are helping me. I can’t say I am completely cured of my people pleasing yet but I, at age 44, am much better than I was even a few years ago.
My list of ten people pleasing blasters:
I will stop here for tonight. This is a subject I feel very strongly about for it is something that has really affected my life. If I can assist in any way to support you in extinguishing people pleasing from your life agenda, then I will be happy.
In peace (and total confidence in myself),
P.S. I hope that you have found value in this article. If not, I bless you but I will not lose sleep over it. Okay? : )
Some of us who are prone to anxiety are what you would call: “people pleasers”. That is, we worry about what others think of us. We are “nice” people and want others to be happy, often at the expense of our own well being.
How do you know that you are a people pleaser?
Do any of these sound like you? I came up with a long list here and could probably think of more because I myself have been a people pleaser most of my life. I am here to tell you right now, that people pleasing really sucks!!
A few years ago, I decided that life is just too short to live like this. Enough was enough. I worked a lot on myself and created a lot of change to be the person I wanted to be and have the life that I wanted for myself. I have read a lot, journaled a lot, meditated a lot, spent time with wonderful mentors, attended Lifestream, and attended a Tony Robbins’ program about finding the power within ourselves.
I’m not totally “cured” of my people pleasing. I’ll get little doses of it, here and there. I still don’t assert myself at work as much as I need to. I am still not the most extroverted person at a party. I still sometimes take things personally when I know I shouldn’t. But over all, I am so much better. No longer is my people pleasing causing that anxiety monster to keep me up at night. I am no longer on anti-anxiety medication. I am challenging myself with a new career, new residence, new projects, new relationship, new people, new interests, new ideas, and new experiences. I am not obsessively worrying about what others are thinking of me or worrying if I offended somebody with what I said or did.
If people pleasing and the anxiety that inherently comes with it has been an issue for you and holding you back in life, then I encourage you to work on this. It will free you tremendously. We all deserve to live the most fulfilling lives possible. The world needs us. We are not going to be as fulfilled as we can be and be of service to others and the world if we are keeping ourselves in bondage with all of this anxious people pleasing.
So, the answer? Just quit it!
Here are some ideas to put a halt to your people pleasing now and begin to live the life you were intended to live:
I am going to stop here for now. This is a longer post than I usually write but obviously it is a subject I feel very strongly about. People pleasing and the anxiety that goes with it is a form of torture that we impose on ourselves. I know it. I’ve done it to myself most of my life. It can be absolutely debilitating at its worst. At the very least, even a mild case of it can really keep us from “going for it”! And truly living the lives we were meant to live.
The Warm Milk Journal is about living the life of our dreams by day and sleeping restfully at night.
If we can cancel the people pleasing subscription from our lives I would say we are well on our way!
Have a blessed day.
Debra : )