Some of us who are prone to anxiety are what you would call: “people pleasers”. That is, we worry about what others think of us. We are “nice” people and want others to be happy, often at the expense of our own well being.
How do you know that you are a people pleaser?
Do any of these sound like you? I came up with a long list here and could probably think of more because I myself have been a people pleaser most of my life. I am here to tell you right now, that people pleasing really sucks!!
A few years ago, I decided that life is just too short to live like this. Enough was enough. I worked a lot on myself and created a lot of change to be the person I wanted to be and have the life that I wanted for myself. I have read a lot, journaled a lot, meditated a lot, spent time with wonderful mentors, attended Lifestream, and attended a Tony Robbins’ program about finding the power within ourselves.
I’m not totally “cured” of my people pleasing. I’ll get little doses of it, here and there. I still don’t assert myself at work as much as I need to. I am still not the most extroverted person at a party. I still sometimes take things personally when I know I shouldn’t. But over all, I am so much better. No longer is my people pleasing causing that anxiety monster to keep me up at night. I am no longer on anti-anxiety medication. I am challenging myself with a new career, new residence, new projects, new relationship, new people, new interests, new ideas, and new experiences. I am not obsessively worrying about what others are thinking of me or worrying if I offended somebody with what I said or did.
If people pleasing and the anxiety that inherently comes with it has been an issue for you and holding you back in life, then I encourage you to work on this. It will free you tremendously. We all deserve to live the most fulfilling lives possible. The world needs us. We are not going to be as fulfilled as we can be and be of service to others and the world if we are keeping ourselves in bondage with all of this anxious people pleasing.
So, the answer? Just quit it!
Here are some ideas to put a halt to your people pleasing now and begin to live the life you were intended to live:
I am going to stop here for now. This is a longer post than I usually write but obviously it is a subject I feel very strongly about. People pleasing and the anxiety that goes with it is a form of torture that we impose on ourselves. I know it. I’ve done it to myself most of my life. It can be absolutely debilitating at its worst. At the very least, even a mild case of it can really keep us from “going for it”! And truly living the lives we were meant to live.
The Warm Milk Journal is about living the life of our dreams by day and sleeping restfully at night.
If we can cancel the people pleasing subscription from our lives I would say we are well on our way!
Have a blessed day.
Debra : )
Sometimes things just happen that we don’t have any control over: a life event, illness, a hurtful comment from another person etc. and we can choose to be angry,upset, or remain calm and not react emotionally.
It’s not the circumstances of life but how we react to them that really affect the quality of our lives. I view staying calm in the face of some kind of adversity as a skill to learn how to do and practice. Perhaps some people are so peaceful and laid back naturally that they have always had it. Not me. I tend to be sensitive anyway. So if someone said something to me that was the least bit hurtful-oh, it would upset me so.
I must say I am, at age 43, at a very good place in my life now and it is harder to ruffle my feathers these days. I don’t anger or get hurt anywhere near as easy as I did when I was younger.
Some things that are helping with this:
Debra : )