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Dealing with difficult people
Published March 4, 2012 | 
Part of daily life with imperfect humans is dealing with difficult people…
In your personal life: spouses, misbehaving children, family members and in laws, noisy neighbors, etc.
At work: gossipy colleagues, micromanaging bosses, complaining customers, etc.
These are just a few examples. Encounters with these people happen to most of us frequently, if not every day.
These events and interactions are stressful. For those of us with people pleasing tendencies they can be the source of great anxiety and loss of sleep.
The thing about life and people is that no matter how hard we try, not everybody is going to like us or behave the way we want them to. We can be the caring and wonderful people that we are and we are still going to have unrational, disgruntled customers or out of control toddlers.
What can we do so that we can have peace restored within us and get our sleep at night?
1. Breathe!
2. Take care of ourselves by eating right and getting exercise if we feel particularly stressed about a person or situation.
3. Remember that we can’t control what other people are going to say and do.
4. Even our best of intentions are going to backfire when it comes to other people.
5. We are not responsible for others’ behavior; only our own.
6. If we have done our best, we can give ourselves permission to let it go.
7. People are going to be unreasonable at times and that is not a personal reflection about us. In fact, it is not about us at all. So… don’t take what others say or do personally!
8. If we are feeling personally attacked we may choose to assert ourselves or walk away. Either choice is a good one depending on the situation.
9. Don’t worry about what others think of us. It is none of our business.
10. Remember that we can’t and won’t please everybody.
11. We can limit interactions and time with people who are consistently negative or abusive. We are free to choose who we spend our time with.
12. We are in charge of the way we react to difficult people and situations.
13. We give others too much power if we let them affect our peace of mind and sleep.
14. You may find it helpful to talk it out with someone you trust
15. Writing things down may be helpful too.
Do your best to let difficult people go. Their words and actions do not have to directly affect you if you don’t let them.
You can be like Teflon and just let things slide off you and not stick.
You have the power, not others!
In Peace,
Debra
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Posted in anxiety, Depression, Family life, Getting a good night sleep, Happiness, insomnia, journal writing, Parenthood, Positive living, Self-empowerment, stress, worry | 
crying toddlers, dealing with difficult people, giving away our power, how we react to others, people pleasing, stress, unhappy customers, writing things down | 
Leave a commentOverworked? Six ways to deal with work stress
Published January 18, 2012 | 
Stress at work can be a huge cause of anxiety and loss of sleep.
In today’s business world, employees are expected to take on more and make themselves more available after hours.
There is great pressure on public employees as well (local government, public school teachers, etc.). The current economy has left many things unfunded and yet the workers are expected to do more with less.
If you are a stay at home parent, you may not have a job outside the home currently, but you are certainly working too! You have the demands of raising your precious babies, keeping the household running smoothly, and trying to take care of yourself.
Here are a few ideas for all of us (no matter what kind of work we do) to deal with the stress and pressures we are facing these days:
1. Write a list of a few things down the night before or first thing in the morning of the most important things you need to get done during your day. Don’t make the list too long! Cross them off as you accomplish them. Tell yourself that if you at least do the task on top you will have had a successful and productive day.
2. Take breaks throughout your day. Take a walk. Stretch and get away from your desk and computer for a few minutes. If you are a stay at home mom, sign up at a gym that has a nice nursery and give yourself an hour to work out or attend a fitness class.
3. Remember: you can’t please everyone. Don’t even try!
4. Do your best not to take work home with you. In my experience, we train others how to treat us. In other words, if employers or family members know they can encroach upon your personal time they will.
5. Watch our modern devices such as cell phones, Ipads, laptops, etc. These days we can stay plugged in 24/7 if we choose. These time bandits can really suck up a lot of our time and life.
6. Always remember that tomorrow is another day. What you don’t get done today? Don’t sweat it. The world will continue to function. Rest and sleep well. You did your best today.
In Peace,
Debra
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Today’s challenge: look at a “problem” with a different perspective
Published January 3, 2012 | 
We are bigger than our problems.
This statement is absolutely true. We are bigger than our problems. The challenge comes when we are mired deep in it (whatever it is that is concerning us) and we can not see the proverbial light on the other side.
If you have a problem, worry, challenging situation, or someone in your life does, try this:
look at it from a different perspective.
Take a step back and remove yourself from it from a moment.
Write it down in your journal. Ask the divine for some guidance and then let it go for a while.
Once you’ve given yourself a break from it, inspiration may suddenly come to you (our minds often work that way).
You can also do something counter intuitive or contrarian just to see what shakes up.
What haven’t you tried? Ask some different questions. Or leave it alone (it may just resolve itself) So much of what we worry about anyway does not ever happen.
We will part company with a couple of ideas:
If you always do what you’ve always done you will always get what you’ve always got.
If you have something in your life you don’t want or you don’t have something that you do want, it is better to do nothing than to keep doing what you’ve been doing.
Have a blessed day,
Debra
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13 Ways to develop our self doubt armor for more confident days and sounder sleep at night
Published December 13, 2011 | 
Doubting ourselves can cause great anxiety and loss of sleep.
What causes us to doubt ourselves?
Here are a few:
1. Having too much to do
2. Having too many demands put on us.
3. Negative self talk
4. Surrounding ourselves with negative or unsupportive people.
5. Not focusing on our strengths
During this busy time of year we can give ourselves a break from self-doubt. All we need to do is develop self doubt armor.
To shield ourselves from self doubt:
1. breathe frequently
2. Do not over commit ourselves
3. Focus on one important task at a time
4. If we don’t get everything done, it is okay.
5. Be conscious of our posture. Sit and stand up straight and tall.
6. Get plenty of exercise
7. Spend time outdoors
8. If someone else questions or criticizes you, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY!
9. Know you are doing your best
10. Forgive
11 Accept
12. Be easy and gentle with yourself
13. Laugh and play often
Have a blessed day,
Debra
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What is keeping you awake at night?
Published October 24, 2011 | 
If you have challenges with insomnia, what is causing it? It is often helpful to get some insight as to what is keeping us awake at night. If you have a journal I encourage you to write in it nightly and see if any patterns are there.
There are many different reasons for not getting a good night of sleep. For the longest time I had serious challenges with anxiety and worry. Nowadays, I sleep pretty well except for the fact that I have a snoring partner.
Here is a list of common reasons for insomnia:
1. anxiety
2. Worrying: about finances, health, children, job related issues
3. parents with babies and young children who have sleep issues
4. being pregnant
5. back pain
6. restless leg syndrome
7. stressful life events: marital troubles, divorce, job loss, unemployment, aging parents, death, a move
This is not meant to be an exhaustive list. If you are having trouble sleeping at night I do encourage you as mentioned before to:
1. write in your journal
2. talk to your doctor
3. get some support
Please know that you are not alone. You can get help. For years I did not think I would ever sleep well again and then for many years when I got on an anti-anxiety medication I did not think I would be able to sleep well without the help of that drug.
I have been off the medication for five years now. Most nights I sleep soundly. You can too.
Sometimes it helps to share our experiences. Not getting enough sleep can be so frustrating because you end up feeling irritated and physically and emotionally drained.
You are welcome to write in and comment here at The Warm Milk Journal. You may also write in at our Facebook page
Have a blessed day and restful night,
Debra
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Being in balance: a journal writing exercise
Published August 27, 2011 |
The Mission of the Warm Milk Journal is:
To live a well balanced, rewarding life of our dreams by day and sleep restfully at night.
I know I Am out of balance when:
1. I see dark circles under my eyes
2. I’ve lost my zest for living
3. I collapse at the end of a work day
4. I am driving aggressively on the highway
5. I am short with family members
6. I have no time to pursue my hobbies
7. I am sleep deprived
I know I Am in balance when:
1. I look calm and radiant
2. I have energy to do anything I wish to do.
3. I smile frequently
4. I drive the speed limit and enjoy my commute by listening to my music and wishing my fellow highway drivers well
5. I enjoy quality time with family and when they are with me I am present with them
6. I make leisure time, hobbies, and taking care of myself a priority.
7. I sleep wonderfully and feel well rested.
In your journal explore this idea of balance.
When do you find yourself most in balance? Out of balance?
Breathe. Meditate or take a walk after focusing on what living a balanced life means to you.
Have a blessed day,
Debra
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Do these ten things and Life can be a day at the beach (whether you are actually at the beach or not)
Published July 29, 2011 | 
A huge source of our stress is what we put on ourselves: hurrying, putting too much on our plates, being perfectionists, multi-tasking, and feeling overwhelmed. There is an easier way. This easier way will pave the path to a more balanced day and restful night.
Wherever you are and whatever you are doing today, life really can be a “day at the beach” if you do these things:
1. Focus your attention on one task at a time.
2. Do your best and live for this day only. Quit beating yourself up about past days and fretting about days in your future (they are not reality).
3. Remember to breathe.
4. Every hour take a mental break by stretching, taking a walk, or doing a breathing exercise.
5. Spend time with people you like.
6. Smile
7. Sit up and stand up straight and tall.
8. If you are particularly worried about something, write the worry down in your journal. Ask yourself, “what is the worst that can happen?”
Meditate on that worst case scenario. Visualize yourself experiencing it and in your mind accept it as if it could be real. Now visualize ways you can improve that situation. Write those solutions down. Start taking action. This exercise will eliminate 99% of the stress you put on yourself with worry (something we all do).
9. What are you thankful for? Think of those things frequently. Write them down.
10. Look for and see the beauty in all things.
That’s it.
Do those ten things and your life will be a day at the beach each and every day.
In Peace,
Debra
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A Pythagorean pattern breathing exercise for quick de-stressing
Published July 28, 2011 | 
Each breath we breathe is the gift of life. Conscious breathing is a great way to get in the present, relax, and just BE. Here is a really great exercise to try anytime time you want to take a mental break and de-stress. Right before bed would be an excellent time as well.
Here’s how to do it.
1. You are going to count using a number cycle 5-3-4. This is known as the Pythagorean pattern which is based on a mathematical triangle concept.
2. When you are ready, close your eyes and slowly inhale to the count of 5. Hold it for 3 counts. Then slowly exhale for the count of 4.
That is it. Repeat.
A variation would be to do the opposite: 4-3-5, making the exhaling the longer part of the exercise. As you are exhaling you may hum a long vowel sound like (o-o-o-a-a-a). The vibrations of the sounds we make help us to focus on the exercise and help to relax us more quickly.
Try it. Play with it. I think you will like this one!
In peace,
Debra
Source: The Stress Answer by Dr. Frank Lawlis, P.164
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Here’s why I had a great night of sleep last night
Published July 21, 2011 | 
Like many of you, I am an ambitious, creative type of person. Ideas fascinate me. I am intellectually curious and always thinking about things and new ideas. This in itself is not a bad thing. However, where I get myself into trouble is when I either go into my past, project into the future with my thinking, or put so much on my plate that I end up overwhelming myself and my brain wants to explode or shut down. This is not the best recipe for a restful night of sleep.
The title of this post refers to the fact that I slept great last night. And I did! Here is why: I decided to give myself and my mind a break and just focus on The NOW. Very simple. I have this one moment. I don ‘t have to worry about what I need to accomplish this summer before the new school year begins. I don’t have to have the meaning of life all figured out. I don’t have to fret about the mistakes I’ve made or stressing about my mile long to do list….
I just have now, this moment. It can be used to do nothing (which is quite blissful when I permit myself to do nothing). Or, it can be used to do one thing: One task, One activity- not multiple tasks. This is very liberating. One day at a time and one step at a time thinking removes the enormous burden of thinking we have to have it all figured out (and not just this moment all figured out but the next five years or rest of our lives figured out- ugh! I get a headache thinking of that kind of pressure).
My bedside reading last night consisted of reading from the great classic, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living by Dale Carnegie.
I would like to share a few nuggets from Mr. Carnegie’s book with you:
1. “Shut the iron doors on the past and the future. Live in Day-tight compartments” (P.11)
2. “Think”, said Dante, “that this day will never dawn again” today is our most precious possession. It is our only sure possession.(P.10)
3. “Every day is a new life to a wise man” (P.8)
4. “One step enough for me”, taken from a church hymn (P.4)
5. “Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand” ~ Thomas Carlyle (P.1)
6. “Have no thought (anxiety) for the morrow” ~ Jesus (Pages1-2)
In Peace,
Debra
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Posted in anxiety, Depression, Getting a good night sleep, Happiness, insomnia, Positive living, Self-empowerment, stress, Tips to help insomnia | anxiety, being present, Dale Carnegie, good night sleep, ideas, letting go of past, letting of future, over thinking, peace, stress, The Now, worry | Leave a commentFour ways that yoga helps prevent insomnia
Published July 9, 2011 |
Getting a good night sleep is just one of the many benefits that having a regular yoga practice will do for you. How does yoga cure or prevent insomnia?
1. Doing yoga calms your nervous sytem down. You will have less stress producing adrenaline pumping through your body. Result? More calm body and mind.
2. Yoga stimulates circulation, including sending more blood to the sleep center of the brain.
3. The focused breathing you do while practicing yoga (pranayama) helps to calm the mind, reduce anxiety, and promote sleep.
4. Yoga helps rid your body of toxins. You may find yourself with more energy throughout your day and actually need less sleep!
Resource: I highly recommend: Bikram Yoga by Bikram Choudhoury (he talks about insomnia on pages 133 to 134).
Website about Bikram Yoga
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