To live a well balanced, rewarding life of our dreams by day and sleep restfully at night.
Five ways to stretch yourself out of social anxiety
Published July 23, 2012 | 
Although I am a huge fan of yoga and encourage you to physically stretch yourself each day for better health, that is not the kind of stretching I am talking about here. For those of you who may be a little shy, lacking in confidence, or have outright panic attacks at the thought of being out with people… I think the first step is stretching…
Stretching takes us out of our comfort zones. We do things we initially didn’t think we could do. Once we do this we gain confidence and feel encouraged to do a little more each time.
These stretches don’t have to be huge or unduly stressful on you. Just little baby steps are all that’s needed to get started.
Here are a few ideas for stretching yourself:
1. smile at one stranger today
2. when checking out at a store or library, say hello and ask how the person is doing today.
3. Say hello to the mailman
4. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile
5. Take a new class (doing a shared activity with others is a great way to connect)
That’s plenty for now. I will offer more stretches in a future post.
Have a blessed day!
Debra
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What would happen if you stopped hiding yourself from the world? Dealing with social anxiety
Published January 14, 2012 | Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather
Who and what are you hiding from?
Many of us with an introvert bent or struggle with issues of social anxiety tend to shield ourselves from the world to some extent.
This shield or mask may take on many forms in our daily lives such as:
1. A smile frequently on our faces (whether we are feeling cheerful or not. Frequently we may be feeling nervous but oh, do we smile nevertheless!)
2. Say yes to things (obligations such as volunteer projects, tasks for work, social invitations, etc.) that really we would prefer to say no to.
3. Not pursuing things that we would like to do (it could be hobby related, work related, or relationships) because we are afraid of how we will be perceived by others.
4. Accepting a position of underemployment even if we are highly educated
5. Stressing about having family and friends over to our home because we fear their judgment
If you can relate to any of this, I invite you to ask yourself a few questions:
1. What would it feel like if I took my “mask” off?
2. Does it matter whether everybody likes me or approves of me?
3. What if my smile reflected a genuine joy from within me rather than a plastic people pleasing nervous smile permanently etched on my face when out in public?
4. What would I do in my life if I was not afraid to just be myself?
5. What is the worst thing that can happen if I just “go for it”! (as it pertains to anything you may be holding yourself back on).
I will leave you now to reflect…
A blessed and peaceful day to you!
Debra
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Posted in anxiety, Positive living, Self-empowerment, worry | 
anxiety, people pleasing, self confidence, shyness, social anxiety | 
2 CommentsI am a closet introvert: dealing with social anxiety
Published December 11, 2011 | People generally find me to be friendly. I smile. I am approachable and sometimes even outgoing.
What many people don’t know is that I am a closet introvert. What do I mean by this? For me, it means:
1. I don’t enjoy large parties.
2. I need a lot of quiet time by myself.
3. I will get anxious after a large social event.
4. It is hard found me to relax and be myself when I have to be “on” with a lot of people I don’t know very well.
This does not mean that I don’t like people, for I do! I like to socialize, just on a smaller and less frequent scale (a little bit of socializing goes a long way for me).
Basically, I get more energy, do my best work, and feel my most centered when I am by myself or among a few people whom I feel close to (my husband or daughter for instance).
If you can relate to this perhaps you are an introvert too.
I am here to say that IT IS OKAY TO BE AN INTROVERT!
I have to remind myself of this from time to time because we live in a society that tends to favor extroverts.
This time of year can be especially stressful for those of us who are not the most extroverted.
My strategy for this holiday season:
I plan to enjoy my friends and family. I will not over schedule us. If we get invited to a holiday gathering that I would rather not attend it is okay to say no. Why over commit to social events during the holidays (or any time of year, really)? I think out of a sense of duty perhaps…
Many of us closet introvert types are also people pleasers and it is hard to say no.
Say this to yourself: “I can say no!”
Say yes to the events and people that really matter.
I believe there is a balance between being a hermit and over extending ourselves. It is up to to find that fine line.
I wish you a very happy holiday season!
Debra
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Is it bad to be an introvert?
Published April 16, 2011 | 
Some of us get our energy from being ”out there” a lot: talking and interacting with others frequently, going to parties, etc. (extroverted)
Then there are those of us who primarily are most centered and get our energy from within: from peace, quiet, and solitude.(introverted)
There is no right or wrong way to be. We are just wired how we are wired.
I would characterize myself as being more introverted than extroverted. That does not mean that I am not friendly or a total loner who does not seek the companionship of others. On the contrary, I treasure my husband, family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc.
What it does mean, is that I have a high need for alone time to: process life, nurture and replenish my soul and spirit, and gather my energy and strength. If I don’t get this time I am downright irritable and off balance. I appreciate socializing but in small amounts. Large parties wear me out. I can have a good time at them but it is not my preferred way to spend my time.
Is there something wrong with me? Over the years I have asked myself that question from time to time because I think our society tends to affirm the extroverts of the world more.
In a recent post I wrote about accepting ourselves. With self acceptance, comes true peace.Otherwise we are stuck in a state of constant anxiety and worry.
If you are a person who is introverted, I encourage you to embrace that part of yourself. You are most likely a sensitive, introspective, thoughtful, and creative person.
When you doubt yourself (and we all do), affirm yourself by declaring: “I AM enough!”. Write it in your journal. Feel those words. Believe them.
In Peace,
Debra
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Getting more than comfortable in your own skin: celebrating you!
Published October 8, 2010 | 
For those of us who are prone to anxiety, shyness, people pleasing, insecurity, etc., it is not always easy being in our skins.
We are having to spend a lot of energy putting on our masks for the world. We are worried about what others are thinking of us. We are wondering if we are measuring up or good enough.
Well, this Friday night I declare a celebration of you! You can start right now by accepting and realizing that being you is the best possible place to be.
Here are five ways to get more than comfortable in your own skin:
- Know with certainty that you are fantastic.
- What others think of you is none of your business. Chances are, they are too busy with their own stuff to be thinking about you anyway.
- 99.9 percent of what we worry about does not come true.
- Nobody else in this whole entire universe has your exact blueprint of DNA, spirit, talents, abilities, and passions. The world absolutely needs you.
- Now, kick back this Friday evening and celebrate.
Cheers!
Debra : )
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Posted in anxiety, Positive living, Self-empowerment | accepting yourself, anxiety, self confidence, shyness, worry | 2 CommentsFeeling timid?
Published September 22, 2010 | 
“Fortune favors the bold, but abandons the timid” ~ Latin Proverb
Some thoughts on timidity:
- Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real
- You are stronger than you think.
- What are you afraid of?
- Even if the very worst case scenario happened, would it really be so bad?
- This is your life. What are you waiting for?
Most of us feel timid once in a while. Things at work are stressful and overwhelming. Perhaps we are feeling intimidated by someone or a situation. When you do feel timid, that doesn’t mean you are a small or weak person. You are just a human.
Timidity is when we are not feeling completely confident about ourselves. It is a little shyness, fear, and anxiety all mixed together. I know I feel timid from time to time. I seem to be the most vulnerable when I am tired, overworked, or in a new situation.
When you feel timid, go ahead and:
- Accept this state you find yourself in. It will pass. Be gentle and forgiving with yourself. Breathe.
- If you are feeling this way a lot get out your journal and write your feelings and situations down. Patterns may emerge.
- Do all that you can to take care of yourself: eat well, exercise, surround yourself with positive and supportive people, and cancel any negative thoughts you have.
- Stretch yourself and do something outside of your comfort zone. If you are shy you may want to attend a Toastmaster’s( a public speaking club) meeting for instance. Doing new things increases our confidence and is terrific for our minds (it will help to keep you young too!).
- Meditate. Center yourself.
Timidity is worth working on. It is subtle but it can hold you back on living the most fulfilling life possible.
Debra : )
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Posted in anxiety, Good Health, Self-empowerment | anxiety, self confidence, self esteem, shyness, timidity | Leave a commentFinding Our Voice: Speaking Up For Ourselves
Published May 10, 2010 | For many of who have anxiety issues, often a source of it is being shy and unsure of ourselves. I spent many years of my life not really speaking up: as a child with my family or at school, at work, in my marriage, etc. I think a lot of us have that “nice person” syndrome. We are afraid to really be ourselves because we want everyone to like us.
As a child and young adult I had a lot of sore throats and strep throat infections. When I was very small, my parents took me to many doctors in Honolulu (where we were living at the time). My parents wanted the doctors to take my tonsils out. They did not and told my folks that I would eventually outgrow these infections. For the most part I did, but was still prone to strep throat well into my twenties. Even now if I am under a lot of stress or overly tired, a sore throat tends to be my first symptom.
Louise Hay in her book, Heal your Body, describes a sore throat as: “the inability to speak up for one’s self. Swallowed anger. Stifled creativity. Refusal to change.”
The affirmation for this condition Ms. Hay prescribes is this:
“It’s okay to make noise. I express myself freely and joyously. I speak up for myself with ease. I express my creativity. I am willing to change.”
If we don’t speak up for ourselves, who will? I am a second grade school teacher. Little children at my school are expected to be quiet a lot of the time (no talking unless called on, no talking in hallways, in the lunchroom etc.). I was one of those well-behaved little children at school. I never acted up. Never got in trouble.
It is important to have a safe learning environment for kids. I understand the need to have order in the classroom. I sometimes wonder, however, if we discourage our young people from talking too much. It is easy to do this at home too when we are busy cooking dinner or reading the paper, doing emails etc. We need quiet and ask the kids to go play outside or tell them”not now, we will talk later”.
Some of us may have been born introverts. Perhaps though we have been conditioned to not speak up. It’s something to think about. We can work on reconditioning our old programming.
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Posted in Affirmations, anxiety, Self-empowerment | affirmations, being assertive, Louise Hay, shyness, sore throats | Leave a comment 
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