Those of us who are prone to anxiety and people pleasing suffer from what I call the “nice syndrome”. We are, simply, too nice. Yes, there is such a thing.

You are too nice if: 

1. You have a hard time saying no.
2. You smile frequently out of nervousness; especially in social situations
3. You put others’ needs in front of your own.
4. You worry a lot about what others think of you
5. Your behavior is dictated by the goal of meeting others’ approval
6. You have anxiety because you worry about everything
7. You are a perfectionist
8. You are afraid of failure and rejection
9. You want to be popular and well liked
10. You seek others’ advice before doing anything.

We can be nice and care, just not too much. When we are being too nice we are shortchanging ourselves and the world because we are not really being ourselves.

  I was always that little perfect kid who made straight As in school and had to be popular. I always did the right things so that my parents and teachers would be proud of me. I went onto college and then law school. I got married and had kids and attempted to be the perfect mother. I was a girl scout leader, soccer mom, Sunday school teacher, etc. etc.

It has always been an important value of mine to be thought well of: that I am a good caring person (which ofcourse, I am), etc. Some of this is very good. I do have a nice life. I am not a criminal locked away somewhere.

However, being nice all the time has really had some consequences that have not been good for me. I have beat myself up with negative talk all my life. I never feel like I am successful (even though, really, if I change my perspective I have lived an incredibly successful life). I have a hard time asserting myself. I am shy at times. I have social anxiety. I have lost countless hours of sleep worrying.

The lesson tonight is this: You don’t have to be so nice all the time! Feel confident with the knowledge that you are enough, just as you are. So be it!

In peace,

Debra

Related Posts:

• Over thinking causes anxiety and insomnia. Here are seven ways to get off the over thinking treadmill.
• “Care, but not that much” ~ Herb Cohen- Putting People Pleasing To Rest
• Are you a people pleaser? People pleasing leads to anxiety, worry, and loss of sleep
• Perfectionism is overrated: Getting over people pleasing.
• What would happen if you stopped hiding yourself from the world? Dealing with social anxiety