Those of us who are prone to anxiety and people pleasing suffer from what I call the “nice syndrome”. We are, simply, too nice. Yes, there is such a thing.
You are too nice if:
We can be nice and care, just not too much. When we are being too nice we are shortchanging ourselves and the world because we are not really being ourselves.
I was always that little perfect kid who made straight As in school and had to be popular. I always did the right things so that my parents and teachers would be proud of me. I went onto college and then law school. I got married and had kids and attempted to be the perfect mother. I was a girl scout leader, soccer mom, Sunday school teacher, etc. etc.
It has always been an important value of mine to be thought well of: that I am a good caring person (which ofcourse, I am), etc. Some of this is very good. I do have a nice life. I am not a criminal locked away somewhere.
However, being nice all the time has really had some consequences that have not been good for me. I have beat myself up with negative talk all my life. I never feel like I am successful (even though, really, if I change my perspective I have lived an incredibly successful life). I have a hard time asserting myself. I am shy at times. I have social anxiety. I have lost countless hours of sleep worrying.
The lesson tonight is this: You don’t have to be so nice all the time! Feel confident with the knowledge that you are enough, just as you are. So be it!