being afraid to ask for what we want

Asking For What We Want

Published May 14, 2012 | By Debra

I think for many of us who are people pleasers or introverted, it can be very difficult to simply ask for what we want.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

1. Your significant other informs you on a regular basis that he/she can’t read your mind.

2. You are underemployed or rightfully employed but just not earning the level of salary you think you deserve because you haven’t asked for it.

3. You put others’ needs before your own.

At the lovely age that I find myself now (45) I have come to this conclusion:

It is essential to be kind but we don’t have to be “nice” all the time. Our needs and desires count too. This is a hard message for people pleasers, I know..(I am one).

We can ask for what we want!

A few ideas to try to flex your assertiveness muscle just a bit:

1. When ordering at a restaurant, simply order what looks good to you. Don’t ask your dinner companions what they are getting, just order what you want (with confidence)!

2. Negotiate a pay raise with your employer. Remind them of all the benefits they enjoy by having you on their team.

3. Ask your spouse for what you want (in the bedroom, a date night, help with the house or kids, etc).

4. Be in charge of your kids. Set clear expectations with your kids (or students if you are a teacher) and expect them to meet them. Who is the adult anyway?

5. Give yourself permission to say “no”. Nice pleasing people have a tendency to say yes to things too quickly and then find themselves over committed to things they neither have the time, energy, or interest to follow up with. Life is just too short!

I will stop for now…

Have a lovely evening friends.

Debra