I think for many of us who are people pleasers or introverted, it can be very difficult to simply ask for what we want.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
1. Your significant other informs you on a regular basis that he/she can’t read your mind.
2. You are underemployed or rightfully employed but just not earning the level of salary you think you deserve because you haven’t asked for it.
3. You put others’ needs before your own.
At the lovely age that I find myself now (45) I have come to this conclusion:
It is essential to be kind but we don’t have to be “nice” all the time. Our needs and desires count too. This is a hard message for people pleasers, I know..(I am one).
We can ask for what we want!
A few ideas to try to flex your assertiveness muscle just a bit:
1. When ordering at a restaurant, simply order what looks good to you. Don’t ask your dinner companions what they are getting, just order what you want (with confidence)!
2. Negotiate a pay raise with your employer. Remind them of all the benefits they enjoy by having you on their team.
3. Ask your spouse for what you want (in the bedroom, a date night, help with the house or kids, etc).
4. Be in charge of your kids. Set clear expectations with your kids (or students if you are a teacher) and expect them to meet them. Who is the adult anyway?
5. Give yourself permission to say “no”. Nice pleasing people have a tendency to say yes to things too quickly and then find themselves over committed to things they neither have the time, energy, or interest to follow up with. Life is just too short!
I will stop for now…
Have a lovely evening friends.
In today’s fast world it is easy to feel lost and overwhelmed. Technology has changed so much in recent years and there is so much information coming at us all the time. There is no physical or healthy way to keep up or consume it all.
Where I am going with this? The more we find and develop our own voice, the less dependent we will be on others. We will be more confident in our own ideas and not rely on the advice of loved ones, friends, and said “experts” out there.
Many of us have issues of anxiety, shyness, insecurity, etc. It is all the more important to find and use our voices.
As a child and young adult I suffered from a lot of strep throat infections. Louise Hay, in her book, Heal Your Body, describes our throat as the “avenue of expression. Channel of creativity” She says that if we are experiencing a sore throat we have an “inability to speak up for one’s self.” We may also have “stifled anger, stifled creativity, or a refusal to change”.
The affirmations used to treat sore throats:
“It’s okay to make noise. I express myself freely and joyously. I speak up for myself with ease. I express my creativity. I am willing to change.
“I open my heart and sing the joys of love”
I just love those affirmations and have them written in my journal.
What are some ways that you can more freely express yourself, assert yourself, be creative, and more flexible? What does it mean to you to open one’s heart and sing the joys of love?
I invite you to ask yourself these questions. This would be an excellent journal writing session.
I will stop here for now. In our next post, we will talk about some ideas that have surfaced about finding our own voice…
Have a blessed day,