Raise your hand if you got mad today. Raise your other hand if this anger turned to sadness at some point.
For us sensitive people emotions can catch us off guard. Everything is rocking along quite smoothly and then something happens to rock the boat: a spouse has to work late and can’t be home for the nice dinner you had planned, friends cancelled your plans at the last minute, you were taken aback by a comment said by a colleague or boss that you were not expecting, etc. etc.
We are going to get upset. What if we gave ourselves permission to just have our upset? 99% of the time the anger and sadness are going to go away. I think they will pass even sooner if we just let these natural emotions be. Yes, let them be.
When we torment others or ourselves when we are upset we set ourselves up for a prolonged state of being angry or sad.
I say, if you feel sad, be sad. If you are angry, be angry (a nice long walk helps a lot). Don’t do or say anything too rash or hasty.
The emotions will calm, you will recenter, and peace will return. I promise, they will!
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
There is nothing worse than going to bed angry at your spouse or significant other. You will not sleep well. You will wake up feeling terrible and if it is a work day, drag yourself to work physically exhausted and emotionally spent.
We all will get angry at each other from time to time. What are some ways to make sure we are in harmony and in a state of love and peace by the time it is time to turn off the lights and hit the pillow?
1. Don’t take things your partner said personally.
2. Be a good listener. Don’t interrupt.
3. use “I” statements
4. Take responsibility for your life and don’t fall into the habit of blaming your partner for things.
5. Be on the same side of a challenging issue. It is you and your partner vs. the issue as opposed to the two of you fighting about the issue.
6. On a daily basis, laugh together.
7. Focus on what you appreciate about him or her. Why did you fall in love with this person in the first place?
8. No matter how heated things may get from time to time, agree to never threaten the relationship itself.
9. To err is human. Cut your partner and most of all, yourself, a lot of slack. Forgive. Let go. Start over.
10. Choose love over everything else.
To be centered in love, to make love our guiding compass is a worthwhile goal.
If we are living our lives centered in love we are:
1. More patient
2. More kind
3. Feel more connected to God
4. Enjoy more intimacy with others.
5. Enjoy better relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.
6. We smile more.
7. We are healthier.
8. We sleep better at night.
9. We experience less anxiety.
10. We make better decisions.
11. We feel more satisfied with our life in all areas.
All wonderful benefits, to be sure. Alas, it is not always easy to be centered in love all of the time. We are imperfect humans. We all have our flesh wounds from the past that may be triggered at some point. We have our “hot buttons”. We just plain have our off days when we are not doing or being our best. What then?
If we can catch ourselves and become aware of the fact that we are not in the most loving state, that is a fantastic start.
Then, forgive ourselves. We are human. We are doing our best. Let it go and start over.
Here are a few ideas that are helping me to stay centered in love (most of the time) or when I get off the path a bit, help to nudge me back on it….
1. Breathe deeply (especially when I feel an upset coming on…)
2. If I am upset with someone, try to remember that my anger or hurt feelings probably has more to do with an old issue from my past than with this person presently with me…
3. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Gratitude is the best love elixir around, And it’s free!
4. Forgive frequently. If we permit resentment to take the place of forgiveness we are killing love and so much good we can have in our lives and in our most important relationships.
5. Ask frequently, what is most important here?
6. If you find yourself really upset with somebody, try to imagine them as an innocent five year old. We really all are doing our best in our own way. We all have our moments when we say the wrong thing, step on someone’s toes, do something that could be perceived as insensitive or selfish. Most of these acts prove that we are human and not perfect. 99.9% of the time it is not intentional. We do not intend to hurt someone else. So the message? …
7. DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY. And it is worth repeating,
8. FORGIVE, and return to a state of love.
Have a blessed day,
Debra : )
“Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.” -Mohandas Gandhi
Are you angry? Holding onto resentment? This kind of thinking and emotion can keep us from getting a restful night of sleep.
Practicing forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It frees up so much energy: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
One way to forgive someone: Picture them as an innocent four year old child. Look at that little child in the eyes. Nurture and love that little child. Embrace them and let them go.
I did this a few years ago when I was so angry at our President. It was very healing to imagine him as an innocent little child just doing his best.