Pushing our edge and getting out of our comfort zones will benefit us in a few important ways.
1. Enjoy greater confidence
2. Have less anxiety
3. Sleep better at night
4. Quite possibly be more respected at our jobs or within our professional communities
What can you do to get out of your comfort zone today?
Here are a few ideas to get you started…
1. Wear a different color or style of clothing that you don’t normally wear.
2. Take a different way to work during your commute this morning or on your way home later.
3. Compliment a stranger.
4. Do something bold at work (and don’t ask permission first).
Have a great day!
Hear ye, Hear ye, ole people pleasers of the world both near and far…
it is okay to look out for yourself,
whoever you are.
Don’t worry about saying yes or no,
no fretting about to and thro.
You don’t owe the world anything
other than being
It’s true, and it’s been said before:
you will never please everybody,
so by all means
do what’s right for you!
I have found my voice and I’m not scared!
Wouldn’t you like to be able to say that and feel that sentiment with unwavering confidence?
Well, there is no reason why you can’t. If (like me), you have spent much of your years holding yourself back, worrying about making the wrong decisions or worrying about what people think when you do make a decision…
If you have given yourself an ulcer at just the thought of saying what you truly think and feel…
If you’ve stayed on the sidelines and listened to others’ opinions without offering your own…
it is never too late to use your voice!
Here are a few “stretches” and challenges for you:
1. Quit apologizing before saying something to someone.
2. When in a group situation, jump in there and say something. Do not let others interrupt you. This will take some practice. Stand your ground and know that you have something worthwhile to say…!
3. Start a blog. I wholeheartedly recommend this as a way for you to gently find your voice (and your audience).
4. Join a local Toastmasters group. They have a wonderful program to support and guide people to strengthen their public speaking and leadership skills.
5. Practice sitting up straight and walking with good posture and confidence (it’s amazing when we use more powerful body language our minds and spirits will follow…)
6. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people
7. I highly recommend attending a Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within event if you can swing it…
8. Write a letter to the editor of your newspaper about something you care about. They might even publish you and your whole city will hear what you have to say!
9. If someone is rude to you or is ignoring you: stand your ground! Respectfully but with some fortitude speak your mind, say your peace… you are done with the whole being invisible, nodding your head and smiling like a puppet thing…
Because you have a voice!
Now use it.
If you have been here for a while, you know that people pleasing is something that I have been challenged with most of my life. It is probably the number one cause of my losing sleep over the years. There is just something about being a “pleaser” that causes anxiety. I think the reason why is that somewhere deep down we know that we are not being authentic and true to ourselves (when we are people pleasing).
One gets to a certain age (in my case,these days, it is 46)… when things come into your life that you used to so sweat over, but guess what?
You are so over it!
I have come to realize that I am really over my people pleasing ways. Perhaps you are on your way too (I certainly hope so).
How do we know we are getting over our people pleasing ways?
You know you are getting over it when:
1. A colleague makes a suggestion to you at work and instead of taking it personally, you take it for what it is: positive constructive feedback. You feel thankful for the feedback and don’t lose a wink of sleep over thinking about how this colleague really must think about you or doubting your competence on the job.
2. You recognize that you only need to be a sweetheart to your spouse, your furry cuddly cat (or dog), and God. If the entire universe does not absolutely fall in love with you and affirm you every minute of the day, it is really okay (really! It is).
3. You do things because you want to do them (not because you think someone else wants you to do them).
4. You smile when you feel like it (as opposed to all the time out of nervousness).
5. You don’t take crap from your kids or rude people. You stand your ground.
6. You set clear boundaries for your personal space and time. You spend time with people you want to spend time with. You commit to things you truly want to do. Yes, this means you have learned to say “no”!.
7. Yeah, you sit up a little straighter and look people in the eye more because you’ve discovered your power.
8. Spending time (let alone losing any sleep) over what other people think has become moot in your life. You just don’t do it anymore. Hallelujah!
9. You try new things; even take risks, without asking anybody’s opinions first (imagine that)?!
10. You are sleeping well at night because you just don’t give a you know what anymore. You are magnificent you. End of story.
Peace truly comes when we can just be ourselves. That is what we are here to be. Other people are busy being themselves and that is as it should be. Their agenda is their own. They are not caught up in thinking or judging or worrying about us. So why should we make that a part of our agenda?
You might be a doormat if you:
1. say yes to things you want to say no to.
2. Smile too much (out of shyness or wanting people to like you).
3. Give in easily to others’ requests and demands.
6. are not sleeping well.
If this remotely sounds familiar, I invite you to consider:
1. Being firm with your boundaries. It is okay to say “no”!
2. beware of folks who may use up your time, money, goodwill (because you are “so sweet” after all).
3. Focus and affirm your value (in your home, at the workplace, etc.)
4. Start doing things for you that are just fun and don’t worry about whether you should or not (so long as you are not breaking any laws, go for it)!
5. This is your life. You really don’t owe anybody anything.
6. Stand tall, walk with confidence.
7. Practice making decisions and stick with them. Cancel any wishy washy self doubting thinking NOW and for good!
Peaceful and restful nights, full speed ahead!
Do you remember the 1984 Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd classic, Ghostbusters?
Who are you going to call? “ghostbusters”!
I feel that managing our anxiety is a little bit like that too. No matter how well we are doing in our lives, for those of us who have a history and propensity for anxiety, we need to be ever mindful and vigilant to “bust” our anxiety! Wouldn’t it be nice to have a crew of “anxiety busters” come as soon as we are experiencing a hint of anxiety?
Well, we can have the anxiety busters come in anytime in our lives….
When we are feeling:
8. like we don’t have any options…
All we need to do is call our anxiety busters, which are:
3. support from loved ones, friends, community,
4. writing in our journals,
5. taking a long hot lavender bath,
6. taking a walk around the block,
7. confiding in someone we trust,
Here’s to busting anxiety!
You know you’ve got your anxiety pretty well licked when:
1. You can walk into a room full of people and not feel panic
2. You are willing and eager to try new things.
3. When you are tired at night, you sleep.
4. Little things that would bother and irritate you, just don’t anymore,
5. You have decided it is more important to enjoy a harmonious relationship with your spouse or child or friend… than to be right,
6. You breathe deeply and remember to stop once in a while…
7. You can let yourself go and be silly in front of others,
8. You are proud of yourself and feel good about your life…
Here’s to being anxiety-free!
We are “plugged in” now more than ever before. It is not only emails that we have to keep up with. Now we also have our various social media accounts with Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and more.
Is all this time on social media good for our social lives and well being or is it becoming harmful to our mental health?
In other words:
Are we thriving or do we wish to crawl into our caves as a result of all this social media exposure?
With moderation, I believe it is the former! As many of you know, I do love it here on the internet. It has been great fun developing this site and interacting with all of you. I also enjoy my time on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest. I find all of these sites to be fine platforms to connect with other people, promote your business and cause, and just simply to relax and unwind.
I can, understand, however, why spending time on these sites can give one anxiety. If we are not careful, we can get kind of “sucked in” and feel too plugged in. That is not a good feeling.
Here are a few signs that may tip you off that you are spending too much time on social media:
1. You are at the beach, park, or a romantic restaurant with your spouse and you are on your phone posting and tweeting…
2. You are getting a headache from being on the computer, phone, or tablet too much
3. You are bringing your laptop, tablet, or smartphone to bed with you.
4. You can’t just enjoy an experience such as a book, magazine article, concert, movie, or just sitting in your backyard without blogging, tweeting, or posting about it.
5. You are worrying about what you posted or tweeted and this is causing you anxiety and loss of sleep.
6. You are bringing your phone into the bathroom with you.
Any of these above behaviors do have the potential to make you anxious, an insomniac, give you a headache and just a “blah” feeling.
How do we,then, enjoy social media without succumbing to “social media anxiety” and total burnout?
I have a few suggestions:
1. If you are the owner of a smartphone, don’t bring it everywhere with you. Yes, that means actually letting it stay upstairs in your bedroom charging while you and your family are enjoying dinner and a movie downstairs. You can leave it off during your work day and it can stay in the car when you and hubby go out to dinner….
2. Schedule times of the day that will be your time for social media. I find if I don’t do this, tweeting and posting can take over my day!
3. Don’t fret about not posting and tweeting something every minute of your day. Let your friends and followers miss you a bit (it will get their attention when you do plug back in).
4. Tweet and post things with care. Be careful if drinking or emotionally charged. Always reread for typos, etc. Always ask yourself: would I want my boss, children, mom, customers to see this? Does this communication represent me the way I want it to? Following this advice should prevent a lot of suffering, anxiety, and just plain “oops”! What have I done? (not the best stuff for a good night of sleep).
5. Social media should be fun. If you find yourself getting bored, burned out, or developing a headache.. take a break!(some of my highest traffic numbers have happened when I was out of town unplugged)
I think it might be time for a bath now…
Although I am a huge fan of yoga and encourage you to physically stretch yourself each day for better health, that is not the kind of stretching I am talking about here. For those of you who may be a little shy, lacking in confidence, or have outright panic attacks at the thought of being out with people… I think the first step is stretching…
Stretching takes us out of our comfort zones. We do things we initially didn’t think we could do. Once we do this we gain confidence and feel encouraged to do a little more each time.
These stretches don’t have to be huge or unduly stressful on you. Just little baby steps are all that’s needed to get started.
Here are a few ideas for stretching yourself:
1. smile at one stranger today
2. when checking out at a store or library, say hello and ask how the person is doing today.
3. Say hello to the mailman
4. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile
5. Take a new class (doing a shared activity with others is a great way to connect)
That’s plenty for now. I will offer more stretches in a future post.
Have a blessed day!
Here are 15 things that help me with anxiety:
1. Spending time outdoors
2. Having a very encouraging and supportive husband
3. My writing
4. Reading inspirational stories and poetry
5. Getting exercise during the day
6. If I begin to question myself, I get moving (bike rides and walks on the beach do wonders and often I will get new ideas that break me out of that negative thinking pattern that was starting up)
7. Practicing yoga
8. Doing meaningful work (I am a classroom teacher and a writer)
9. Helping others
10. Taking care of myself by getting enough sleep
11. “stretching” myself by learning new things, taking on new challenges and tasks, meeting new people, etc.
12. Look for and celebrate all of my successes and achievements.
13. Don’t pay too much attention to media and current events
14. Pet and cuddle my cat
15. Watch a funny movie
What helps you when you are feeling anxious? Feel free to share…
Designed by Colleen M. Messer.