To live a well balanced, rewarding life of our dreams by day and sleep restfully at night.
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Creating space for wonder and possibilities (for a better night of sleep and less anxiety)
Published April 9, 2012 | 
If we are not sleeping well,
or are anxious,
or not happy with something about our lives, what do we do?
Do we complain about it (very common which is what many of us do)?
Do we sweep it under the carpet and hope the unwanted condition will magically go away or change on its own (avoidance is also very common).
How about a different way?
Perhaps we just need to ask ourselves some nice, open-ended questions that elicit a response of wonder and energy for possibilities…
Some ” I wonder” questions for your journal writing:
1. How can I get a better night sleep?
2. What would my life be like if I no longer was afraid of ______?
3. If I was well rested I could and would _____________________?
4. What would happen if I just decided to stop worrying?
5. I wonder what my life would be like if I just pursued what I have been wanting to do for years?
Breathe…deep…
Feel the energy that comes when we imagine..
What is possible?
Resource: Gay Hendricks, PH.D and Kathlyn Hendricks,PH.D. in their book Spirit-Centered Relationships articulate well the power that comes from cultivating wonder in our lives and asking ourselves questions with that kind of framework. Their work is focused on relationships but I believe it will work well with any issues you may be having in your life including insomnia, anxiety, etc.
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I Am peace when… a journal writing exercise
Published April 2, 2012 | 
Here at The Warm Milk Journal our tag line is to offer:
Peace of mind one night at a time.
Why peace?
Without peace, we are not going to sleep well, perform well at our jobs, get along with our families, be a good friend, or have a very happy marriage. Without peace and the calm mind that comes with it we will not experience optimal health or life experience.
An anxious fidgety mind is only going to create chaos and fear, not the stuff of our mission which is:
To live a well balanced, rewarding life of our dreams by day and sleep restfully at night.
Tonight or in the morning I invite you to write in your journals. Explore what peace means to you.
On the top of your page you can write:
I Am peace when…
Then just write and see what comes out. Then go about your day and notice when you are experiencing peace (or perhaps also notice when you are not).
I will start my entry here and then it will be your turn.
Let’s see…
I Am peace when:
1. I am enjoying my jazz music at night while writing or cooking.
2. Teaching my students
3. Laughing and interacting with my husband and daughter.
4. Cuddling with my cat, Mew.
5. Riding my bike in my beautiful neighborhood.
6. Taking a walk on the beach.
7. Chalk up the challenges of the day as just that and release them (knowing I did my best with the day I had)
8. I feel carefree and not worrying about the future or fretting about the past or resenting somebody or something now. Hmm…
I will stop, for it is your turn!
In peace,
Debra
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Don’t let worry rob you of a good night sleep. Replacing worry with these ten things!
Published March 28, 2012 | 
If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. ~Dale Carnegie
On nights when I don’t sleep my best it is usually when my mind gets active and begins to worry about something. If it is in the middle of the night and I am in that not really awake, semi-conscious state, it can be difficult to shut the worry cycle off once it gets going.
I know that I have a much better chance to get a good night of sleep if I go to bed as centered as possible to begin with (something to do with prevention being better than a cure..)
Today I offer us ideas to replace worry with other things in our lives:
1. In reaction to a stressful event or circumstance: know you have done your best or if there is nothing you can do then let it go… know that “this too shall pass” It will!
2. Think of something that brings you pleasure and joy.
3. Think of something you are thankful for.
4. Sit outside. If I sit out in my back patio and just listen to the birds and enjoy my little garden, my mind goes to a good place which has lasting effects right to bedtime!
5. Take a walk outside.
6. Pet and play with your cat or dog.
7. Limit media consumption
8. Watch a fun movie
9. Get lost in a good book. Give yourself permission to enjoy a novel or some poetry.
10. Meditate
In Peace,
Debra
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. ~Mark Twain
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Cancelling negative thought patterns that cause anxiety, sleeplessness, and self-doubt: a journal writing exercise.
Published March 21, 2012 | 
Here is a list of common thought patterns that lead to anxiety and sleepless nights:
1. “I am not good enough”
2. “I don’t have enough”
3. “What are they thinking about me”?
4. “I look fat”
5. “I am a failure”
6. “I am broke”
7. “I am a paycheck away from being bankrupt and living on the street”.
8. “That’s impossible!”
9. “I can’t”
10. “I’m no good at___”
These are just a few “bad tapes” that many of us torture ourselves with on a regular basis, over and over again.
We are not born anxious or fearful or self-loathing!
We come out into the world these beautiful perfectly wonderful creatures!
Sometime between the time we were born to the person we are now we have learned and been conditioned to fear and be anxious and feel bad about ourselves(either by parents, siblings,teachers, friends, and other people our environment,media, our culture,etc).
Well, the good news is that we can work on cancelling all this bad thinking.
Tonight in your journal please write down a list of your negative thought patterns that you play on a regular basis. You know you have them. Now write them down. Or if you can’t think of any right now, have a notebook handy and when you catch yourself doing it, you can jot it down. Enlist a spouse or close friend to help. They can “bust you” if they hear you utter any negative self talk.
Once you write a fearful or anxious thought down, draw a big X across the phrase. That step alone would be really great. I also like to imagine myself cutting my own throat when I am thinking or saying one of these toxic messages to myself while yelling: CANCEL!!!!!
Now, you can actually re-write your own thought patterns to the reverse (the positive tape instead)
For example
1. “I can’t” can be cancelled and X’d and then “I can!” can take it’s place.
2. “I am fat” can be cancelled and X’d (really imagine yourself slashing your throat here!) can instead be “I love and appreciate my healthy and beautiful body”.
3. When you see something that you think you can’t afford such as a nice car on the highway, a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood, or a pretty Spring dress on the clothes rack, cancel “I can’t afford this”, and replace it with: “I can afford that!”.
You get the idea. It takes a little time. Be patient with yourself. Perhaps tackle one negative thought pattern at a time.
Before long you will be confident, worry-free, and sleeping like that innocent perfect baby you began your life as!
Cheers to that!
In Peace,
Debra
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Posted in Affirmations, anxiety, Benefits of Journal Writing, Depression, Getting a good night sleep, insomnia, Journal Prompts, journal writing, panic attack, Positive living, Self-empowerment, stress, worry | 
anxiety, cancelling negative self talk, cut throat image, doubting yourself, loss of sleep, negative tapes, self confidence, we were not born with anxiety, worry, writing for healing | 
1 CommentAnxious thoughts flirting with you? 8 ways to stop anxiety before it outright bites and attacks you.
Published March 18, 2012 | 
Anxiety can be subtle and sneaky at times. It may show up unassuming at first…a funny feeling in your stomach, a slight headache, a worry starting up in your mind…
If we let it, anxiety will continue on this journey until it grips, bites, and attacks you in the form of: panic attacks, sleepless nights, depression, and the feeling of helplessness.
Newsflash: we are far from helpless.
Anxiety and the fear it promotes does not become anything of consequence if we don’t grant it a ticket for its reckless ride on us (our bodies, our peace of mind,our jobs, our relationships, our sleep, our health, our life)!
When you first feel that first hint of anxiety presenting itself, here are eight ways to shoo the offender away:
1. Breathe deeply and slowly
2. Realize you are bigger than this. YOU are the one with all of the control and power.
3. Each time you focus you create a new reality. You can choose to not put any energy into anxiety’s arrival.
4. Laugh at it and look it straight on! Fears can’t get much of a grip on us if we face them. So often we will look back and think “why was I so worried or what was I panicked about”?
5. Get busy doing something: exercise, a project, helping someone else.. Keeping our minds and bodies busy at something will often help.
6. You can take John Parkin’s advice in his book: f**ck it . Essentially the message of this great little book is not to care or attach meaning of things in our lives so much and we will be free…let it go, release. Peace!
7. Write in your journal. Writing can be very healing. If you feel worried about something or feel something is not quite right, get it out on paper.
8. Always remember that fear is not real. This too shall pass. Let those anxious thoughts that are flirting with you right now pass by like the clouds on a beautiful breezy Spring day. They will go away!
In Peace,
Debra
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Dealing with difficult people
Published March 4, 2012 | 
Part of daily life with imperfect humans is dealing with difficult people…
In your personal life: spouses, misbehaving children, family members and in laws, noisy neighbors, etc.
At work: gossipy colleagues, micromanaging bosses, complaining customers, etc.
These are just a few examples. Encounters with these people happen to most of us frequently, if not every day.
These events and interactions are stressful. For those of us with people pleasing tendencies they can be the source of great anxiety and loss of sleep.
The thing about life and people is that no matter how hard we try, not everybody is going to like us or behave the way we want them to. We can be the caring and wonderful people that we are and we are still going to have unrational, disgruntled customers or out of control toddlers.
What can we do so that we can have peace restored within us and get our sleep at night?
1. Breathe!
2. Take care of ourselves by eating right and getting exercise if we feel particularly stressed about a person or situation.
3. Remember that we can’t control what other people are going to say and do.
4. Even our best of intentions are going to backfire when it comes to other people.
5. We are not responsible for others’ behavior; only our own.
6. If we have done our best, we can give ourselves permission to let it go.
7. People are going to be unreasonable at times and that is not a personal reflection about us. In fact, it is not about us at all. So… don’t take what others say or do personally!
8. If we are feeling personally attacked we may choose to assert ourselves or walk away. Either choice is a good one depending on the situation.
9. Don’t worry about what others think of us. It is none of our business.
10. Remember that we can’t and won’t please everybody.
11. We can limit interactions and time with people who are consistently negative or abusive. We are free to choose who we spend our time with.
12. We are in charge of the way we react to difficult people and situations.
13. We give others too much power if we let them affect our peace of mind and sleep.
14. You may find it helpful to talk it out with someone you trust
15. Writing things down may be helpful too.
Do your best to let difficult people go. Their words and actions do not have to directly affect you if you don’t let them.
You can be like Teflon and just let things slide off you and not stick.
You have the power, not others!
In Peace,
Debra
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Posted in anxiety, Depression, Family life, Getting a good night sleep, Happiness, insomnia, journal writing, Parenthood, Positive living, Self-empowerment, stress, worry | crying toddlers, dealing with difficult people, giving away our power, how we react to others, people pleasing, stress, unhappy customers, writing things down | Leave a commentDoubting yourself in a high pressure world?
Published February 23, 2012 | 
You doubt yourself,
it’s easy to do.
Second guessing can become second nature…
For if things are not as we like, who are we to blame?
Looking in the mirror is all too easy.
Operating in a high pressure world,
Do you ever want to scream?
There is another way…
a better way (I do so believe).
And that is simply to just be.
Judgement and critcism from self (and others if that may be the case) can
be put to rest.
You don’t have to be the best according to any set standards out there…
For you already are the best
just as you are.
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8 ways to take the fuel out of your fears to sleep more soundly at night.
Published February 6, 2012 | 
During times in my life when I have struggled with insomnia it is usually because I was afraid of something. I would be feeling fears about my health, my finances, my kids, my job, the world’s affairs, what others thought of me, etc.
I feel like I don’t lose sleep that much anymore because of these fears. I may still think about them but I don’t get “stuck” with them like I used to (especially at bedtime).
Here are a few things that have helped me shrink my fears:
1. Read things at bedtime that inspire me and feed me spiritually.
2. Turn off the day (I rarely bring work home anymore for instance)
3. Limit my media exposure. I still like to know what is going on in the world but I don’t consume it like I used to. There are actually mornings when I don’t read the newspaper (at one time in my life that would have been unheard of).
4. Exercise and practice yoga
5. Write in my journal (you will find many ideas here at The Warm Milk Journal).
6. Push my edge regularly. Doing something that is challenging really increases self confidence. Self confident people are less prone to losing sleep at night from fear.
7. Surrounding myself with loving and supportive people. Not feeling alone really helps us to feel more secure and less scared.
8. A hot bath at night is always a good thing to relax your body and mind before bed.
Goodnight relaxed and fearless one.
Debra ; )
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Overworked? Six ways to deal with work stress
Published January 18, 2012 | 
Stress at work can be a huge cause of anxiety and loss of sleep.
In today’s business world, employees are expected to take on more and make themselves more available after hours.
There is great pressure on public employees as well (local government, public school teachers, etc.). The current economy has left many things unfunded and yet the workers are expected to do more with less.
If you are a stay at home parent, you may not have a job outside the home currently, but you are certainly working too! You have the demands of raising your precious babies, keeping the household running smoothly, and trying to take care of yourself.
Here are a few ideas for all of us (no matter what kind of work we do) to deal with the stress and pressures we are facing these days:
1. Write a list of a few things down the night before or first thing in the morning of the most important things you need to get done during your day. Don’t make the list too long! Cross them off as you accomplish them. Tell yourself that if you at least do the task on top you will have had a successful and productive day.
2. Take breaks throughout your day. Take a walk. Stretch and get away from your desk and computer for a few minutes. If you are a stay at home mom, sign up at a gym that has a nice nursery and give yourself an hour to work out or attend a fitness class.
3. Remember: you can’t please everyone. Don’t even try!
4. Do your best not to take work home with you. In my experience, we train others how to treat us. In other words, if employers or family members know they can encroach upon your personal time they will.
5. Watch our modern devices such as cell phones, Ipads, laptops, etc. These days we can stay plugged in 24/7 if we choose. These time bandits can really suck up a lot of our time and life.
6. Always remember that tomorrow is another day. What you don’t get done today? Don’t sweat it. The world will continue to function. Rest and sleep well. You did your best today.
In Peace,
Debra
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My experience with panic attacks
Published January 15, 2012 | Fear is the highest fence. ~Dudley Nichols
Those of you who have been visiting The Warm Milk Journal may be aware that I have been challenged with anxiety most of my life. Part of this experience has been dealing with panic attacks.
Over the years my panic attacks have varied in intensity or have been triggered by different things, but they do have some common symptoms…
Symptoms of panic attacks:
1. heart racing
2. sense of dread
3. rapid shallow breathing
4. feeling clammy
5. hyperactivity
6. feeling of being out of control
7. feeling of hopelessness
8. “black and white” or “all or nothing” way of thinking
9. feeling trapped or boxed in
10. afraid, feeling danger approaching
In other words, it really is a panicky situation. Or, it is perceived to be anyway. I am sure that people who have panic attacks have different triggers that initiate them.
Some of my panic attack triggers have been:
1. I had an expectation about something and it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to
2. Anticipating having to attend a social event
3. Worry about my health and mortality
4. Worry about finances
5. Feeling unloved and lonely
6. Being stuck in traffic while it is raining (happened frequently when I was a young mom in Seattle)
7. Crowded stores and shopping malls
8. Having to wait in a long line or doctor’s office
9. A sudden change in plans
I am not a doctor or nurse and I encourage you to seek medical help if you need it. At the end of this post I will share some links to learn more about panic disorder.
For now, I would like to share a few things with you that have helped me deal with my panic attacks…
1. If hyperventillating, slowing my breathing way down. Long, slow, deep breaths… doing this in a small paper bag can help.
2. Taking a walk
3. Getting active
4. Getting outdoors
5. Talking it out loud with someone you feel safe with (describing your sensations, what you are afraid of, etc.)
6. Getting busy! Doing anything that will get my mind onto something else
7. The realization that this is just anxiety; I am not really in any real danger
8. Getting perspective on some of my triggers. Talking to someone really helps with this (whether is is a caring spouse or medical counselor).
There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. ~Andre Gide
Some resources about panic disorder:
Panic Disorder from PubMedHealth
Panic attacks and panic order from The Mayo Clinic
Before we part company I would like you to remember a few things.
If you do experience panic attacks, please remember:
1. You are not alone. Many people have these.
2. You are not crazy.
3. You are not dying.
4. You are safe.
5. You are loved.
6. BREATHE slowly…deeply…BREATHE
In Peace,
Debra
(this is me on my wedding day. No worries here!)
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Posted in anxiety, Good Health, panic attack, stress, worry | anxiety, panic attacks, panic disorder | 3 CommentsJoin the fun!
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