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Overworked? Six ways to deal with work stress
Published January 18, 2012 | 
Stress at work can be a huge cause of anxiety and loss of sleep.
In today’s business world, employees are expected to take on more and make themselves more available after hours.
There is great pressure on public employees as well (local government, public school teachers, etc.). The current economy has left many things unfunded and yet the workers are expected to do more with less.
If you are a stay at home parent, you may not have a job outside the home currently, but you are certainly working too! You have the demands of raising your precious babies, keeping the household running smoothly, and trying to take care of yourself.
Here are a few ideas for all of us (no matter what kind of work we do) to deal with the stress and pressures we are facing these days:
1. Write a list of a few things down the night before or first thing in the morning of the most important things you need to get done during your day. Don’t make the list too long! Cross them off as you accomplish them. Tell yourself that if you at least do the task on top you will have had a successful and productive day.
2. Take breaks throughout your day. Take a walk. Stretch and get away from your desk and computer for a few minutes. If you are a stay at home mom, sign up at a gym that has a nice nursery and give yourself an hour to work out or attend a fitness class.
3. Remember: you can’t please everyone. Don’t even try!
4. Do your best not to take work home with you. In my experience, we train others how to treat us. In other words, if employers or family members know they can encroach upon your personal time they will.
5. Watch our modern devices such as cell phones, Ipads, laptops, etc. These days we can stay plugged in 24/7 if we choose. These time bandits can really suck up a lot of our time and life.
6. Always remember that tomorrow is another day. What you don’t get done today? Don’t sweat it. The world will continue to function. Rest and sleep well. You did your best today.
In Peace,
Debra
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My experience with panic attacks
Published January 15, 2012 | Fear is the highest fence. ~Dudley Nichols
Those of you who have been visiting The Warm Milk Journal may be aware that I have been challenged with anxiety most of my life. Part of this experience has been dealing with panic attacks.
Over the years my panic attacks have varied in intensity or have been triggered by different things, but they do have some common symptoms…
Symptoms of panic attacks:
1. heart racing
2. sense of dread
3. rapid shallow breathing
4. feeling clammy
5. hyperactivity
6. feeling of being out of control
7. feeling of hopelessness
8. “black and white” or “all or nothing” way of thinking
9. feeling trapped or boxed in
10. afraid, feeling danger approaching
In other words, it really is a panicky situation. Or, it is perceived to be anyway. I am sure that people who have panic attacks have different triggers that initiate them.
Some of my panic attack triggers have been:
1. I had an expectation about something and it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to
2. Anticipating having to attend a social event
3. Worry about my health and mortality
4. Worry about finances
5. Feeling unloved and lonely
6. Being stuck in traffic while it is raining (happened frequently when I was a young mom in Seattle)
7. Crowded stores and shopping malls
8. Having to wait in a long line or doctor’s office
9. A sudden change in plans
I am not a doctor or nurse and I encourage you to seek medical help if you need it. At the end of this post I will share some links to learn more about panic disorder.
For now, I would like to share a few things with you that have helped me deal with my panic attacks…
1. If hyperventillating, slowing my breathing way down. Long, slow, deep breaths… doing this in a small paper bag can help.
2. Taking a walk
3. Getting active
4. Getting outdoors
5. Talking it out loud with someone you feel safe with (describing your sensations, what you are afraid of, etc.)
6. Getting busy! Doing anything that will get my mind onto something else
7. The realization that this is just anxiety; I am not really in any real danger
8. Getting perspective on some of my triggers. Talking to someone really helps with this (whether is is a caring spouse or medical counselor).
There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. ~Andre Gide
Some resources about panic disorder:
Panic Disorder from PubMedHealth
Panic attacks and panic order from The Mayo Clinic
Before we part company I would like you to remember a few things.
If you do experience panic attacks, please remember:
1. You are not alone. Many people have these.
2. You are not crazy.
3. You are not dying.
4. You are safe.
5. You are loved.
6. BREATHE slowly…deeply…BREATHE
In Peace,
Debra
(this is me on my wedding day. No worries here!)
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Posted in anxiety, Good Health, panic attack, stress, worry | 
anxiety, panic attacks, panic disorder | 
2 CommentsWhat would happen if you stopped hiding yourself from the world? Dealing with social anxiety
Published January 14, 2012 | Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather
Who and what are you hiding from?
Many of us with an introvert bent or struggle with issues of social anxiety tend to shield ourselves from the world to some extent.
This shield or mask may take on many forms in our daily lives such as:
1. A smile frequently on our faces (whether we are feeling cheerful or not. Frequently we may be feeling nervous but oh, do we smile nevertheless!)
2. Say yes to things (obligations such as volunteer projects, tasks for work, social invitations, etc.) that really we would prefer to say no to.
3. Not pursuing things that we would like to do (it could be hobby related, work related, or relationships) because we are afraid of how we will be perceived by others.
4. Accepting a position of underemployment even if we are highly educated
5. Stressing about having family and friends over to our home because we fear their judgment
If you can relate to any of this, I invite you to ask yourself a few questions:
1. What would it feel like if I took my “mask” off?
2. Does it matter whether everybody likes me or approves of me?
3. What if my smile reflected a genuine joy from within me rather than a plastic people pleasing nervous smile permanently etched on my face when out in public?
4. What would I do in my life if I was not afraid to just be myself?
5. What is the worst thing that can happen if I just “go for it”! (as it pertains to anything you may be holding yourself back on).
I will leave you now to reflect…
A blessed and peaceful day to you!
Debra
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Posted in anxiety, Positive living, Self-empowerment, worry | anxiety, people pleasing, self confidence, shyness, social anxiety | 2 CommentsAre you too hard on yourself? Today is the day to begin easing up…
Published January 10, 2012 | 
Why are we so hard on ourselves? We often would not treat other people the way we treat ourselves.
Do you ever:
1. over think things to death and end up not being able to make a decision or take action?
2. not go somewhere or not buy yourself some much needed new clothes because you’ve gained a few pounds?
3. Avoid mirrors or think negative thoughts as you see your reflection?
4. Worry about being or getting older?
5. Worry that you are not a good enough parent or employee?
6. put so much on your plate on a daily basis that you are stressed and burned out by the time the weekend comes around?
7. find it hard to receive gifts or compliments
8. settle for underemployment and not getting paid what you are worth?
These are just a few examples of how we are hard on ourselves. If you can relate to anything on this list you are not alone. We are a society of perfectionists, multi-taskers, achievers who are obsessed about being materially successful, young, and thin.
Phew! No wonder we are wound up so tight at times.
Today, I want you to just focus on one idea:
How can I be more easy and gentle on myself?
That’s it.
I am not going to offer any ideas as to how to do that right now for I want you to see what ideas or insights surface for you.
I will follow up with you later.
You can write in your journal this morning affirmations such as:
I take care of myself by__________
I Am gentle
I Am at my ease
I go through my day taking it easy
I Am enough
In Peace,
Debra
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Today’s challenge: look at a “problem” with a different perspective
Published January 3, 2012 | 
We are bigger than our problems.
This statement is absolutely true. We are bigger than our problems. The challenge comes when we are mired deep in it (whatever it is that is concerning us) and we can not see the proverbial light on the other side.
If you have a problem, worry, challenging situation, or someone in your life does, try this:
look at it from a different perspective.
Take a step back and remove yourself from it from a moment.
Write it down in your journal. Ask the divine for some guidance and then let it go for a while.
Once you’ve given yourself a break from it, inspiration may suddenly come to you (our minds often work that way).
You can also do something counter intuitive or contrarian just to see what shakes up.
What haven’t you tried? Ask some different questions. Or leave it alone (it may just resolve itself) So much of what we worry about anyway does not ever happen.
We will part company with a couple of ideas:
If you always do what you’ve always done you will always get what you’ve always got.
If you have something in your life you don’t want or you don’t have something that you do want, it is better to do nothing than to keep doing what you’ve been doing.
Have a blessed day,
Debra
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13 Ways to develop our self doubt armor for more confident days and sounder sleep at night
Published December 13, 2011 | 
Doubting ourselves can cause great anxiety and loss of sleep.
What causes us to doubt ourselves?
Here are a few:
1. Having too much to do
2. Having too many demands put on us.
3. Negative self talk
4. Surrounding ourselves with negative or unsupportive people.
5. Not focusing on our strengths
During this busy time of year we can give ourselves a break from self-doubt. All we need to do is develop self doubt armor.
To shield ourselves from self doubt:
1. breathe frequently
2. Do not over commit ourselves
3. Focus on one important task at a time
4. If we don’t get everything done, it is okay.
5. Be conscious of our posture. Sit and stand up straight and tall.
6. Get plenty of exercise
7. Spend time outdoors
8. If someone else questions or criticizes you, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY!
9. Know you are doing your best
10. Forgive
11 Accept
12. Be easy and gentle with yourself
13. Laugh and play often
Have a blessed day,
Debra
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I am a closet introvert: dealing with social anxiety
Published December 11, 2011 | People generally find me to be friendly. I smile. I am approachable and sometimes even outgoing.
What many people don’t know is that I am a closet introvert. What do I mean by this? For me, it means:
1. I don’t enjoy large parties.
2. I need a lot of quiet time by myself.
3. I will get anxious after a large social event.
4. It is hard found me to relax and be myself when I have to be “on” with a lot of people I don’t know very well.
This does not mean that I don’t like people, for I do! I like to socialize, just on a smaller and less frequent scale (a little bit of socializing goes a long way for me).
Basically, I get more energy, do my best work, and feel my most centered when I am by myself or among a few people whom I feel close to (my husband or daughter for instance).
If you can relate to this perhaps you are an introvert too.
I am here to say that IT IS OKAY TO BE AN INTROVERT!
I have to remind myself of this from time to time because we live in a society that tends to favor extroverts.
This time of year can be especially stressful for those of us who are not the most extroverted.
My strategy for this holiday season:
I plan to enjoy my friends and family. I will not over schedule us. If we get invited to a holiday gathering that I would rather not attend it is okay to say no. Why over commit to social events during the holidays (or any time of year, really)? I think out of a sense of duty perhaps…
Many of us closet introvert types are also people pleasers and it is hard to say no.
Say this to yourself: “I can say no!”
Say yes to the events and people that really matter.
I believe there is a balance between being a hermit and over extending ourselves. It is up to to find that fine line.
I wish you a very happy holiday season!
Debra
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Pushing our edge will keep us young and help us sleep at night!
Published November 30, 2011 | 
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp–or what’s a heaven for?
- Robert Browning
Reaching, stretching, pushing our edge, and going for it is the stuff that our dreams are made of…
What are you reaching for?
On a regular basis I like to challenge myself and “push my edge” a bit. Last summer I wrote a post about pushing my edge while trying Bikram (hot) yoga.
Last week, my husband and I spent the Thanksgiving holiday in the Asheville, North Carolina area. I pushed my edge once again by trying ziplining with Navitat.com
I was scared to death at first, but it did not take me long before I was coasting and soaring among the tree tops in the North Carolina mountains. Simply awesome!
When we were younger many of us were pretty fearless. Think about all of the things you did as a child that you might hesitate to do now…
Over time we tend to become more cautious, more inhibited. We lose that childhood “recklessness”, that “go for it” spirit of energetic, exuberant, and unapologetic youth.
I am 45 years old and I intend to reverse that trend!
I intend to stay young by:
1. not getting too stuck in my ways,
2. learning new things often,
3. and stretching myself, “push my edge”- so to speak..
What can you do to stretch your self?
What would challenge you?
What would excite you?
What fear, if you faced it, would leave you feeling pretty darned great about yourself? Hmm….???
I challenge you to challenge yourself on a regular basis. You can do it! (If I ziplined, you can do anything- trust me!)
Pushing our edge is good for our health, self esteem, and for getting a good night sleep. Anxiety issues? Do some things you thought you could never do and see how that old anxiety just might go poof! ( you will feel so proud and good about yourself)
Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is? ~Frank Scully
In Peace,
Debra
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Ten circumstances when I am most prone to anxiety
Published November 27, 2011 | 
A leading cause of insomnia is anxiety. In my experience, anxiety has been caused by many factors, including:
1. When I have slept poorly the night before (this can be a spiraling, circling problem)
2. When I have experienced a lot of change in my life.
3. I am in a new situation.
4. I am hurting myself with negative self talk.
5. I am around negative people.
6. I read the newspaper or watch tv too much.
7. I am working too much.
8. I don’t spend enough time outdoors
9. I question, analyze, judge, worry and over think everything too much.
10. I have too much unstructured time on my hands.
I can think of more causes of my anxiety over the years but this is a pretty good list.
If you are somebody prone to anxiety and it is affecting your life through: loss of sleep, your relationships with others, your job, and general well-being… you may want to look at getting help.
A good first start you can do on your own is write a list like mine in your journal. Being aware of some “anxiety triggers” for you can be quite beneficial. I believe the key to most healing starts with awareness.
Next, I recommend talking to someone you trust and if necessary, your medical doctor.
Anxiety does not have to rule your life and affect your sleep night after night. There are medical and non medical treatments available.
I am not a doctor and this site is not intended to diagnose or offer treatment for you.
I do want you to know that here at The Warm Milk Journal you are not alone. Many of us share these common issues. You have friends here.
Feel free to comment and share anytime here. You may visit our Facebook page too.
In peace,
Debra
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Posted in anxiety, Benefits of Journal Writing, Depression, Getting a good night sleep, Good Health, insomnia, journal writing, lists, Positive living, Self-empowerment, stress, The Warm Milk Journal, Tips to help insomnia, worry | anxiety, anxiety causing insomnia, causes of anxiety, insomnia causing anxiety | Leave a comment“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” ~Les Brown What Is Possible?
Published November 26, 2011 |
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
What is possible on any given day?
What is possible without limitations
in any preconceived way?
The gift we humans have been given is freedom:
Free to make choices,
Freedom of thought…
For most of us, freedom to visit and live wherever we want
and do whatever we want (providing we are not breaking a crime…)
Hmmm…..
No need to put ourselves in confining boxes of over comfort and malaise
or masks that cover up our true identities.
Closed doors can swing wide open and
wise words can be said from a place of integrity and honesty
rather than stifled and pushed down to an abyss of regret-
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
WHAT IS POSSIBLE?
In Peace,
Debra
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