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Navigating the Maze of Marriage

Can we be married (or in a committed relationship) and sleep well?

We may have found our soul mate and best other half... but does marital bliss translate into getting a good night sleep?

I hate to dampen the romance out there, BUT... There are issues that may come up for couples that could affect their sleep. I will share a few of them in this post.

Snoring.

Yes, this is a big one.

About 40 percent of adult men and 24 percent of adult women are habitual snorers. What to do? I definitely recommend a visit to the doctor to rule out sleep apnea and other health issues. Here is a good article that gives good tips for a couple with a snorer in the family... There are actually many couples who are happily married and sleep in separate beds. You might find this article by Rachel Levin, Honey, I love you…but we need separate beds very interesting and eye opening!

Egos in battle

You know what I am talking about here. It might be something small and stupid. We humans have a competitive streak in us and we just want to win and be right

This is when we need to check our egos at the door and ask ourselves: is it more important to be right or have peace and love in our marriage? This is a big one and it took me many years to get it.

Lowering our expectations, lessening our need to control, and practicing acceptance.

Again, this took me many years to figure out but what happens when your spouse is in a grumpy mood or is not acting in the way you want him/her to? It is very easy to get upset and stew and if you let it... these feelings will keep you tossing and turning for much of the night (I have been there).

What helps me here is to remember just a couple of things:

1. Our spouse loves us and it is such a gift to have this precious person share their lives with us (when you think about it they really don't have to be here - now do they)? Lesson: practice gratitude and focus on what you appreciate about them so that their little quirks, habits, and moods don't get to you.

2. Practice acceptance and flexibility. Our thoughts and expectations don't have to be set in stone like Moses, God, and the Ten Commandments. Big rigid hardwood trees such as the grand oak trees or Douglas firs in the Pacific Northwest may fall in a bad wind storm but "little" grasses and weeds survive quite well. Why is that? They flow and they are flexible. Hmm...

3. In the end, what do we want? Do we want everything to go our way all of the time or do we want love and peace in our loves (and a good night sleep)?

The choice is ours.

Sweet Dreams!

Debra

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